I’ve constantly made myself deconstruct the structures that live in me, though I often say that I would never change, I actually do, all the time. May be I’m too proud to admit at times or may be it’s just a revelation for me, a revelation which may not actually change my final approach on something. I got back home (my room) after visiting a very good of friend mine. He/she had burnt a couple of dvds for me, both containing songs/compositions from various artists; this probably is his/her favourite collection. It had a concert performed by a few Indian artists and one white person (there goes an arrogant assumption, while all countrymen who are white are just white, all brown people are Indian). On the Indian side, I could identify Shankar Mahadevan, Sivamani, Zakir Hussain, 'Mandolin' Sirinivas, the rest I wasn’t sure. I’ve seen them perform in other similar concerts in TV, but don’t know anything more. But I Google this guy’s name (John Mclaughlin) to know his background, before anyone else. Though it seems like a simple curiosity on my part to know about him, in retrospect, I realize it wasn’t. I’m more interested in knowing about the ‘odd’ one out, to see why he’s playing Indian classical music in his electric guitar. To read his interviews praising Indian musical giants like Ravi Shankar. I read more of his interviews, ctrl+f “India” – read the paragraph – ‘Find next’ – read the paragraph. After a while I think about classical music, to verbalize my thoughts.. “hmm let’s download few compositions of Ravi Shankar’s…” “Ravi Shakar – Search – limewire results - …..” “Ravi Shankar and Philips… - click download” “Ravi shankar and Yehudi Menuhi – click download” “Peter Gabriel ft Ravi Shankar – click download… - what? Music for the last temptation of Christ? – don’t download it – cancel download” --after a few puzzled moments-- “what? why not? Download it you damn bigot!” (And started writing this post) That’s how ingrained our prejudices are. It might be fitting to explain why I cancelled the download the first instance. Because I hate Christianity? – Not really Because I hate Christians – no! That’s not even true Is it because the first thing that comes to my mind when I read the words Christianity, Christian, Christ, Jesus, Savior etc., is religious conversion, followed by ->All those sections of books and articles that talk about religious conversions made by Christian missionaries in India. ->The fact that Columbus and his entire murderous cohort were Christian. ->My own experiences with evangelism. Yes, all these things put together backed my seemingly insignificant reflex that stopped me from downloading a soothing piece of music; just because it had the words “last temptation of Christ”. As I realize now, there is no good relation between evangelism and a piece of music that has the name “last temptation of Christ”, my mind made a choice that was based on this non-exsistent relation. It acts like a reflexive action itself, eye-brain-brain-spine-nerves (even more complex if we go deeper). Each of our trivial little choices have complex thoughts and prejudices that go unquestioned for years. And before you realize, your prejudices are so old that you cannot even think of the thought about changing it (Ex: trying to convince my parents that exogamy is just as good/bad as endogamy). It also happened during my visit to my friend’s place. He/she suggested that we could eat in “Lahore Biryani house”, I said “what? Lahore? Heck no….” then after a pause “well am not in the mood to have rice…”. Why did I say “No” in the first instance? Because I hate Pakistan? – I don’t know, probably Do I hate Pakistan? – May be…! It’s hard to answer, I don’t have good things to say about Pakistan even though am sure there are. I enjoy reading articles which blame Pakistan for every other terrorist act in India (which may or may not be true, I don’t try to do more research, I’m much comfortable accepting it). But I don’t seem to have a problem mingling with Pakistanis, now. I don’t have to give reasons for my hidden hatred for Pakistan, because almost all Indians would find it obvious. Regardless of the rationale behind that hatred, to avoid eating in a Pakistani restaurant [in my opinion] is plainly prejudiced or hatred misplaced. I don’t know how many such prejudices lie buried in me, in fact I’m afraid there are too many of them which I might never discover (like I did with the above two incidents) in my life. How often do we actually try to set a ‘neutral’ tone to our actions? Whether it’s always possible or necessary to do so is irrelevant to the number attempts we make. Earlier in this post I’ve referred to my friend as he/she, not to conceal his/her identity but to avoid the prejudice that you as a reader might hold toward this post if you were to know my friend’s sex. But the irony is that, just because I’ve used a gender neutral tone you’d assume a particular sex in your mind, you would have made that choice reflexively. In fact as you are reading this line, the part of your mind which made that choice is seeking some kind of approval.